EN.MUHAMMADIYAH.OR.ID, YOGYAKARTA — The phenomenon of fear toward marriage, popularly known as “marriage is scary,” has become increasingly common on social media, especially among younger generations. Viral stories of troubled marriages, rising divorce rates, and concerns about losing personal freedom have led many members of Generation Z and the Millenials to view marriage as something frightening.
Responding to this trend, Dr. Asmar, a member of the Family Division of the Religious Preaching and Religious Opinion Council of ‘Aisyiyah Central Board, emphasized that fear of marriage stems from various psychological and social factors that need to be understood proportionately. She shared these insights during the Harmoni Keluarga podcast hosted by Hasna on Friday (19/6)
The Fear Factors
According to Asmar, psychological factors are among the primary causes of negative perceptions of marriage. Many young people grow up witnessing parental conflicts, hearing stories of infidelity, or observing failed marriage within their communities.
“Some young people carry trauma because they grew up watching their parents argue. They also hear friends sharing stories about marital conflicts, affairs, and various other problems. As a result, they become afraid of marriage because they fear experiencing the same things,” she explained.
In addition to trauma, many young people struggle with fear of failure, fear of choosing the wrong partner, and a lack of confidence in themselves or others. These concerns are often intensified by overthinking and the desire to find a “perfect” partner.
“Young people today often want everything to be ideal. But no human being is perfect. When expectations become too high, they find it difficult to find a partner. Consequently, they become even more hesitant to take the step toward marriage,” she said.
Beyond psychological factors, Asmar believes that social conditions also contribute to the growing fear of marriage. The increasing divorce rate in recent years has reinforced the perception that marriage is synonymous with conflict and failure.
Economic concerns also play a significant role. Many young people feel financially unprepared to build a household. Even those who are employed often believe their income is insufficient to support a family.
“There is a feeling that meeting one’s own needs is already difficult, let alone supporting a family. Thoughts like these make people feel they are not yet ready for marriage,” she noted.
Furthermore, modern lifestyles that emphasize individual freedom influence attitudes toward marriage. The ability to spend time in cafés, travel spontaneously, and enjoy personal independence is often perceived as something that will be restricted once a person enters married life.
The Importance of Marriage
Despite these concerns, Asmar argued that avoiding marriage altogether is not the right solution. She stressed that current perceptions need to be corrected so that young people can understand the true nature of marriage more comprehensively.
From a psychological perspective, she explained, human beings possess various needs that must be fulfilled progressively. These needs range from physiological and safety needs to love and belonging, esteem, self-actualization, and spirituality.
“Many young people today immediately pursue self-actualization and social validation, even though there are other important needs, namely the need to belong and be loved. Every human being fundamentally needs love and meaningful relationships,” she explained.
She warned that neglecting these needs can result in feelings of emptiness. Therefore, marriage serves as an important means for fulfilling emotional, social, and spiritual needs in a balanced way.
Premarital School for Building a Sakinah Family
‘Aisyiyah Central board offers a Premarital School Program for young people, whether they are already in a relationship or simply preparing themselves for marriage.
The program provides participants with various forms of psychoeducation and training. These include conflict management, stress management, relationship communication, and building healthy partnerships. Support continues even after marriage through post-marital programs and parenting education.
For couples facing marital challenges, ‘Aisyiyah Central Board also provides counseling services through BIKSA (Sakinah Family Consultation Bureau of ‘Aisyiyah Central Board), particularly BIKSA Permata Hati at the national level. These services are available not only to members of Muhammadiyah and ‘Aisyiyah but also to the broader public.
Asmar emphasized that problems are an unavoidable part of life, regardless of whether a person chooses to marry or remain single.
“Being unmarried comes with its own challenges, and marriage comes with challenges as well. Every life choice has consequences that must be faced. What matters is how we prepare ourselves to manage and resolve them,” she stated.
From an Islamic perspective, she noted that marriage is an act of worship and a natural development stage that humans are meant to experience. From the standpoint of developmental psychology, intimate and meaningful relationships are essential for achieving personal maturity.
Asmar also explained that individuals who fail to establish intimate relationships may be at risk of experiencing isolation and a sense of emptiness. Conversely, marriage can become a space where people learn to understand themselves, grow alongside their partners, and build a more meaningful life.
For this reason, she encouraged young people to change their perspective on marriage. According to her, happiness in marriage is not something that simply appears on its own. It is something that husbands and wives create and nurture together.
