Strengthening Family Bonds is Key to Preventing Child Grooming

EN.MUHAMMADIYAH.OR.ID, JAKARTA — Child grooming could be prevented from within the family. A strong emotional bond between children and their parents is considered one of the main defenses against children becoming susceptible to attention and affection from people with harmful intentions. 

Kokom Komariah, Chairperson of the Religious Preaching and Rulings of the Provincial Board of ‘Aisyiyah of West Java, made the remarks during Gerakan Subuh Mengaji, on Sunday (9/6). She described child grooming as a gradual process of approaching and manipulating a child to build trust before the perpetrator carries out exploitation. 

Kokom warned that groomers do not always appear as frightening strangers. They may come from environments familiar to and trusted by children, including friends, relatives, teachers or people close to their families.

“Predators often come bearing attention, praise and gifts. The crime does not begin with force, but with a far more dangerous weapon: trust,” she said.

Grooming Must Be Diagnosed Early

According to Kokom, grooming is a gradual process. It may begin with building a relationship, creating trust and emotional closeness, fostering dependency and manipulation, and eventually lead to sexual exploitation, either physically or digitally.

Because grooming develops over time, prevention must begin before violence occurs. Kokom explained that perpetrators typically identify children they consider vulnerable and then approach them through attention, praise, assistance or gifts. Once trust has been established, they may ask children to keep the relationship secret from their parents, teachers or others.

“Let’s keep this a secret between the two of us. Don’t tell your father, mother or anyone else,” Kokom said, illustrating one form of manipulation a perpetrator may use. Such secret relationships can develop through face-to-face meetings or communication via WhatsApp and social media.

The next stage may involve isolation, in which the child is gradually distanced from parents, teachers, friends or other safe environments. As the child becomes increasingly dependent on the perpetrator, manipulation may make the child feel indebted, guilty, afraid or even more dependent. At the final stage, the perpetrator carries out exploitation or abuse, either physically or digitally.

Three Approaches to Understanding Child Grooming

Kokom then examined child grooming through three approaches in the Muhammadiyah intellectual tradition: Bayani, Burhani and Irfani.

From the Bayani perspective, child grooming violates the principles of child protection under Islamic law and national law. She linked the issue to the Quranic message in Surah At-Tahrim, verse 6, concerning the obligation to protect oneself and one’s family.

“Protect yourselves and your families from the Fire,” she said, explaining the message of the verse.

She also described grooming as a form of manipulation and a pathway toward wrongdoing. As such, the practice violates both the principles of Islamic law and legal provisions designed to protect children.

From the Burhani perspective, child grooming can be understood as deliberate psychological manipulation. Perpetrators systematically build a child’s trust and dependency, potentially causing long-term psychological harm.

“This is deliberate psychological manipulation,” Kokom stressed.

Trauma can become more severe when abuse is committed by someone the child previously trusted. This can cause children to lose trust in others and withdraw even from environments that are actually safe.

Parents Must Fulfill Children’s Emotional Needs

From the Irfani perspective, the issue concerns ethical and moral dimensions. Protecting children’s safe spaces and the purity of their souls is part of compassion and worship. Kokom therefore emphasized that manipulating and exploiting children are crimes that violate Islamic principles as well as the views of Muhammadiyah’s Tarjih Council.

Kokom said meeting children’s basic psychological needs is an important part of preventing grooming. Children need attention, affection, acceptance, recognition, companionship and a sense of security.

Ideally, she said, these needs should be met within the family. When children’s emotional needs are not adequately fulfilled in a healthy family environment, they may become more vulnerable to attention from outsiders with harmful intentions.

She therefore urged parents to make the home a safe place where children can receive affection, recognition and guidance, while also having the freedom to talk about their experiences.

“That is why we need a home. My home is where I seek protection, where I receive affection,” she said.

She also stressed the importance of both fathers and mothers being involved in raising their children. Close relationships and open communication can give children a safe place to share what they experience outside the home.

Protecting Children in the Digital Space

According to Kokom, grooming can occur across many areas of children’s lives, both offline and online. Homes, schools, social media, online games, messaging applications and communities can all become environments that require attention.

Prevention, therefore, cannot rely solely on restricting device use or setting passwords. “The main defense is building a strong emotional relationship between children and their parents. That is the key,” she said.

As part of digital literacy, Kokom introduced the stop and tell principle. Children should be taught to stop when they encounter conversations, images, links or requests online or in games that make them uncomfortable. They should then tell their parents, teachers or another trusted adult

She also reminded children never to share personal photos, personal information, addresses or passwords with anyone. Children should be encouraged to think critically about the identity of people communicating with them, what those people are asking for and why they might ask them to keep a conversation or relationship secret.